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Janitor's penis' DNA may sell on eBay! - [01/19/03]
In a shocking story that caught the bio-tech industry with it's pants down, Ted Byrne, a custodian for a genetic research facility in Cambridge, MA, announced that he will indeed sell his gene pattern combinations to the highest bidder. Byrne has won considerable fame in the local community based on the size of his penis, and attracted the attention of three of the largest bio-tech corporations in the city, one of which is his emloyer. "I dropped trou at a bar to win a pissing contest against my buddy and suddenly this guy in a suit steps up and wants to buy the rights to my DNA," says Byrne. An official statement from the top bidder says, "Given the current gene therapy and splicing technologies, the possibilities are endless. Many [men and women] can be made very happy," and also claims exceptional resale value of the combination of genes that produced Byrne's member. Byrne has bent under the legal advice of his lawyers to open bidding on a yet undetermined internet auction site, to which Byrne says, "I'm gonna make a fortune from it, inch by beautiful inch."