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Jonathan Bronson Enters 2016 Presidential Race - [02/25/03]
Washington- Seeking to get the nation "back on the trolley," Vermont native and pretentious musician Jonathan Bronson announced his bid for the 2016 Presidential race this morning to little fanfare. Bronson promises to cut taxes and lower the deficit with his comprehensive "pillage and loot" campaign which is already raising eyebrows in Washington.
"I don't literally mean pillaging and looting," explained Bronson at a fund raiser yesterday, refusing to go into further detail.
Right now he stands unchallenged. "My only real opponent is the potential apocalypse," noted Bronson who has already begun campaigning nationwide at elementary and pre-schools. Currently he and his running-mate Samuel Jacobs are the only members of the brand new "Smarty Party" which hopes to attract the next generation of voters.
"As soon as I'm old enough," proclaimed Bronson "I will heal heal the nation. Oh, and please send money."