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Livejournal user's attempts to convey profundity of emotion horribly embarrassing - [04/27/03]
Ben Grissle, also known as livejournal user 'liquidsoulfire,' has failed miserably trying to create the persona of a sad, sadistic, yet brilliant clown.
User 'janeplain' notes: "Ben, or 'the Flaming Jester' as he has been calling himself, goes on and on about scars he gave himself, his 'lunatic grandfather,' who from what I hear only had mild alzeimhers, blah blah blah... I hope he doesn't give out his url to people he actually knows, because it's really embarrassing."
Ben, 24, lives with his parents and works part-time at a light-bulb factory which he refers to as "the star prison."
nonners to go on non-tour - [04/26/03]
The nonners plan a three city non-tour starting May 12ish. The tour begins in New York and will hit other major cities like Boston and Burlington, including all rest areas and gas stations in between. The nonners will not be performing any music.
Lazy Ohioan uses 'A' on English paper as an excuse to slack off in French - [04/25/03]
Cleveland- With the discovery that he received a far better grade than he expected on his English paper, Jitters Burlap of Ohio stated "Oh... I guess I'm doing fine in school then." Jitters is far behind in his distance learning French course ever since he took some time off during spring break. An enornmous final looms on May 5th, and he has several assignments to hand in on the 29th of April. He had set aside the whole day to catch up on his French lessons, but now plans to use the time to narcissistically snap digital photographs of himself.
Cartoon Network Shits the Bed! - [04/21/03]
In a move that caught Cartoon Network viewers with their pants down, the wildly popular Home Movies program was replaced by the other wildly popular Family Guy in the 11:30 PM, school night time slot. Network executives have not yet retaliated with answers as to why, how, and who made this poorly informed decision, nor have they explained how the not-so-clever-nor-original Trigun series made it through the final cut to keep the 12:00 AM slot, but the ratings on late evening television cartoons are expected to continue not changing. Some employees whose names were withheld by request claimed this programming adjustment was a mistake and will likely be corrected shortly while another worker suggested, "Sloppy handwriting or something, who knows?" Indeed.
Hip Hop party - [04/18/03]
This time I'm spinning a set too... so if you're in NYC next Thurs (4/24) come party! Flyer.
QQQuantity Staff Slack Off on News Page! - [04/14/03]
In a surprise exposÈ that caught the record industry with its pants down, the staff of QQQ announced that it has been slacking off on news stories for nearly a month. "Well, I... err," confessed the company footpad, Ringo Juanpaulo, in a recent interview with our reporters, "I suppose I just had all these other things to do." Nearly a month has passed since the last sparse description of a story by another website was published, and this month is shaping up to be even better. Juanpaulo admits, "It's not like I never touch the site, I'm there like five times a day, but between email and Seinfeld I just can't get anything done."